ATLANTA – The international homeopathy organization, Homeopaths without Borders, has discovered nearly 100 different cures for the Ebola Virus and will promptly use these remedies to fight the ongoing outbreak in West Africa.
“The public health community can rest assured now that we have the answers to this disease,” said Dr. Ingrid Samet, a homeopathic doctor who has been on international deployments to Haiti to help people who have no access to homeopathic medicine.
“This is the secret that regular doctors have been hiding from us for years: it’s one teaspoon diluted mashed flower petals with table salt. This must be used orally and can be applied to the central bottom of the patient’s right foot for increased potency. Venom of a bushmaster snake, laced with water and brandy can also do the trick.”
Nearly 900 people have died from the outbreak, but the homeopathic organization will be sending life saving remedies such as diluted horseflyweed and diluted yellow jasmine to stop the spread of the disease without using any toxins.
“Ground oyster shells and diluted lavender will cure your ebola,” said another homeopathic doctor who is credited for discovering two cures for HIV and another for the Plague.
“And, of course, small amounts of ebola diluted in distilled water will cure your ebola.”
The cost of the various treatments range between $50-$150 and will be available at your local North American health food stores.
At press time, the World Health Organization was revising its Ebola Treatment Guidelines to simply read: ‘Run. Run away. Run as fast as you can.’
