MIAMI – A former employee of the United States federal government who was let go due to extreme incompetence has just been indicted on charges of stealing from his erstwhile employer.
Donald Trump, 76, has a checkered work record and a well-documented history of poor job performance. It’s not clear how someone known for ineptitude and malfeasance obtained high-level employment with the US government, but it’s believed that the parties who hired him were similarly incapable of carrying out their own responsibilities either due to stupidity or malice.
“I’m not surprised he stole a bunch of stuff when he was terminated, with some people that kind of behavior is pretty easy to predict,” said one of Trump’s former co-workers. “It all comes down to upbringing. I don’t wanna stereotype, but I find that people who inherit a great deal of wealth from their parents are almost all thieves.”
After somehow being employed by the US government, Trump quickly proved himself unable to perform the functions for which he was hired and only managed to keep his job for four years due to a technicality that prevented him from being discharged until a suitable replacement was found. Upon his dismissal, Trump allegedly absconded with a large number of valuable items belonging to his employer.
The stolen items were only recovered when law enforcement searched a seedy resort in Palm Beach owned by a known conman who has also been identified as Donald Trump.
“All you have to do is look at him to know he’s a bad egg,” said Palm Beach local Gretchen Perkins. “I heard he’s been up to all kinds of shady business for a very long time. And the neighbourhood has definitely gone downhill since he set up shop here. There have been dozens of healthcode violations alone. Ugh. I can’t believe anyone would hire him for any job, that’s nuts.”
At press time, Donald Trump was brazenly and bizarrely attempting to be rehired at his old position despite his incompetence, thievery, and multiple pending court cases.