Silver Spring, MD – The United States Food and Drug Administration has asked American horses to stop taking COVID vaccines to treat their worm infestations.
“There is no evidence that COVID vaccines treat parasite infections in horses,” explained an exasperated Dr. Thomas Hobbs, Mississippi’s state health officer. “You are not humans, you are horses. Please for the love of god stop.”
Following coverage from Fox News on how COVID vaccines may help treat worms in horses, right-wing horses have been buying up as many vaccines as they can get, despite the widely accessible drug Ivermectin, which has been scientifically proven to help with worms. The problem has also found it’s way up to Canada, after famous Canadian podcast host Northern Dancer stated he had taken the vaccine for his worms.
“What big pharma wants you to think is that Ivermectin is the only way to cure worms,” explained noted celebrity and Trump supporter Seabiscuit. “But in reality, there’s a secret, much more publicized vaccine by a different big pharmaceutical company that actually does treat worms maybe. ”
At a recent Trump rally, a crowd of horses booed the former president after he said that horses should take Ivermectin to treat their worms, as he himself had worms and found it to be effective.
“It did fuck all for my COVID-19 infection,” said Trump. “However, the worms I got from exclusively eating McDonald’s for three decades were gone after I took some of this stuff. It really works… for de-worming that is.”
In related news, Clorox bleach has asked people to stop attempting to use COVID vaccines to remove stains from their clothing.