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Generations of selective breeding...

National
- National
- Local
- Toronto
- Montreal
- Vancouver
- North
- Campus
- University Reviews
- Canada Votes 2015
Jagmeet Singh asserts independence by doing exactly what Pierre Poilievre told him to

Since he thinks Nazis were socialists because of their name, here are 7 other titles and phrases that must flummox Pierre Poilievre

Conservatives promise that, if they’re elected, your parents will reunite, your fav tv show will be uncancelled and McDonald’s will bring back pizza

Trudeau pays surprise visit to Ottawa

Local woman waiting to return her missed calls until she’s on crowded bus

Forest Hill by-election to show Canada what people without problems think

See you later! Neurodivergent friend discovers crocheting

Canadian man reading date never knows which is day and which is month unless day is above 12

Proposed names for Toronto’s new WNBA team

Amazing! Bald eagles seen living in Toronto with zero roommates!

Toronto Police advise banks to leave big pile of money at the door to avoid being robbed

Eglinton LRT builders mail ransom note, severed piece of track, to Torontonians

Just for Laughs Festival files for bankruptcy protection just before jumping out of box wearing gorilla mask

Montreal rioters concerned COVID rules are destroying small businesses before they can destroy small businesses

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again

Report: Killer Whales actively preparing to bring down a plane

Vancouver considers buying a second snowplow

Vancouver actor moves to L.A. to improve odds of getting cast in shows that shoot in Vancouver

Vancouver removes tents from Eastside unless they can prove they’re a weed shop

Tied Yukon election to be decided by traditional chainsaw throw

Yukon exposed to 2 cases of assholes

Yukon refuses to change clocks back in smug defiance of the will of Demeter

Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one

York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam

Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s

Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt

Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation

Western University mandate 3 vaccine shots, 15 Jaegermeister shots

Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews

Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews

OCAD University: University Reviews 2014

NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government

Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority

90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party

Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
Canadians fail to notice difference as global IT outage disrupts airlines, banks, health care

Man angry about 15-minute cities wouldn’t last a day in Europe’s 15-minute countries

Report: Protestor encampment at McGill still cleaner than student residences

Trudeau startled by UK news that long-standing, deeply-unpopular governments must eventually hold elections

Trudeau leaves fifth unanswered voicemail offering to endorse Kamala Harris

Trump campaign desperately hoping Democrats replace Biden with a different frail 81-year-old

UNPRECEDENTED: Aging boomer retires to free up job for someone younger

Biden assures Democrats COVID diagnosis won’t stop him from losing election

Living History: Grandma exchanged letters with John Diefenbaker where he talks about his “Dief Beef”

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice

July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Sports
- Sports
Blue Jays owners shocked to discover you’re allowed to fire Front Office when team sucks every year

With pickleball surging in popularity, we tested which paddles are also good for spanking

Latest federal poll shows surprise emergence of new frontrunner: Men’s 4×100 Relay Team

Leafs announce that making Matthews captain is the best way to distract fans from fact they haven’t made any significant roster changes again
Business
- Business
CBC execs explain why they deserve their bonuses

Boeing offers stranded astronauts $200 voucher off next trip to space

Entire North American GDP just 26,000 Slack messages in a trench coat

Canadian oil companies bemoan regulations that keep them from being as evil as their US counterparts
Culture
- Culture
- Lifestyle
- Health
- Opinion
- Parenting
- Stats
- Classifieds
Op-Ed: I need to write about other people’s writing based on my writing instead of doing my own writing — by George R. R. Martin

Oasis reaches two-state solution

CBC execs explain why they deserve their bonuses

Betrayal: That actor is actually British

Wild Gen Z prom party wraps up at 9:15 pm

Extreme home makeover? This man washed his sheets

Boy realises the magic really was in that amulet and not inside him in the slightest

Luxury porta-potty includes chemical bidet

Wizard? This woman timed her edible to the end of her workday

As COVID rates skyrocket, health officials warn Canadians to wear plenty of sunscreen

Doug Ford closes Safe Injection Site to make way for new All-You-Can-Drink Booze Guzzler’s Emporium

Coppertone unveils new SPF 1,000,000 sunblock that shrouds land in eternal darkness

Editorial: Five ways to use your huge bazongas as literal weapons in the Woke War, by the National Post

Editorial: Women must date unpleasant men, and we’re not just saying that because we’re unpleasant men

You fucking Leafs fans still think I’m the worst Defenceman you’ve ever seen?

Is Buffy Ste Marie actually Indigenous? Six extremely white people weigh in

Child abuse? This baby is wearing jeans

Toddler guzzling bathwater like Nero at Bacchanal in waning days of Roman Empire

5 tips for betting on NHL preseason games while your whiny children beg you for attention

EDITORIAL: Why I’m not letting my kids use social media except the YouTube channel they star in that pays our mortgage

93% of Canadians will never pay off their blood debts

86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages

2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview

Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles

Missed Connections: You were the public urinator on Main and 5th

LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.

ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.

UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
CBC execs explain why they deserve their bonuses

Five people you hope are not on the Epstein list

Free speech champions explain why it’s OK that people are being cancelled for criticizing Israel

Devastating: Woman forgets “R” in email to Pedro

You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?

You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?

You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?

You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?

Quiz: Should you watch Barbie, Oppenheimer or 2008 Canadian WWI drama Passchendaele

Quiz: Who should you vote for in Toronto’s Mayoral Race

Quiz: Who should you vote for in the Alberta Provincial Election

QUIZ: Is it a pyramid scheme or just a regular cult?

Free speech champions explain why it’s OK that people are being cancelled for criticizing Israel

Conservatives explain why Pierre Poilievre attacking ‘globalist elites’ isn’t antisemitic

Liberals explain why they can’t do anything about the housing crisis

Canadians react to Pierre Poilievre’s “sexy” makeover

How To Go Vegan…Next Week

Guide To: Edmonton

Guide To: St.John’s

How To Lose Weight
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Generations of selective breeding produce this fucking asshole

July 31, 2021 by Emily Al-Jbouri ( @emilyaljbouri )

News in Photos

See More: asshole, Dog, Featured Post, genetics, jerk, the worst

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