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World continues to wait for US election...

National
- National
- Local
- Toronto
- Montreal
- Vancouver
- North
- Campus
- University Reviews
- Canada Votes 2015
Theodore Tugboat gets stuck in northwest passage

Supreme Court rules carbon tax constitutional after invoking ‘We’re All Gonna Fucking Die’ principle

Conservative delegates vote against recognizing Climate Change, winning elections

Erin O’Toole opens Conservative Convention with promise to have fewer ideas

Local woman apologizes for apologizing

This baby born in quarantine is 38 now

“You can only trust your family!” says mother who doesn’t trust her children

“You’re not like other girls,” says man exactly like all other men

Torontonian engages in beloved Toronto pastime of threatening to leave Toronto

West Toronto getting close to 2025 goal of 1 cannabis dispensary per household

Toronto residents announce plans to pronounce even fewer letters in word ‘Toronto’

John Tory finally captures arch nemesis – man who built shelters for homeless

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again

Half of Osheaga too high to realize festival ended 2 days ago

Still searching for buyer, Montreal Alouettes now listed as fully furnished

iPhone battery collapsing from 100% to 1% signals arrival of winter

Canucks fan doesn’t want to talk about it

Huawei paid us $150 to write this article calling for the acquittal of Meng Wangzhou

City that hosted 2010 Winter Olympics fails to prepare for snow again

Yukon exposed to 2 cases of assholes

Yukon refuses to change clocks back in smug defiance of the will of Demeter

Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one

Conservation officers safely tranquilize municipal elections candidate wandering through neighbourhood

York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam

Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s

Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt

Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation

Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews

Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews

OCAD University: University Reviews 2014

Ryerson University: The Beaverton University Reviews

NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government

Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority

90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party

Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
“Why did Meghan murder Prince Philip?” ask British tabloids

Queen’s cousin dies

Prince Philip named Sexiest Man Kinda Alive

Prince William named world’s sexiest bald man as if Mr. Clean isn’t literally right there

New Georgia law gives voters AR-15s to protect themselves from criminals trying to give them food and water

White supremacist organization clears white supremacist of white supremacy

Governor brags that death tolls are bigger in Texas

Trudeau, Biden talk sports, how to break central campaign promises

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice

July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation

Portraits of Canadiocity: Martin Luther King Jr
Sports
- Sports
Jack Campbell spends entire day attempting to return $5 bill to total stranger

Blue Jays use money saved by removing radio broadcast to do nothing

NHL finally finds the one bad referee causing officiating problems in all games

Hockey Night In Canada names Piers Morgan new host of Coach’s Corner
Business
- Business
West Toronto getting close to 2025 goal of 1 cannabis dispensary per household

Long-term care facilities to drop “long” and “care” from name

First Bitcoin ETF will combine simplicity of cryptocurrency with integrity of investment stocks

Rogers can’t fucking believe they’re the less evil telecom giant
Culture
- Culture
- Lifestyle
- Health
- Opinion
- Parenting
- Stats
- Classifieds
Netflix adds ‘movies set in New York but it’s obviously Toronto’ category

CDC warns of ‘catastrophic surplus of hornt-up energy’ as Regé-Jean Page exits Bridgerton Season 2

Netfilx’s newest dating show asks: Can we get these sexy singles to fuck this tree?

Zack Snyder confirms new Justice League cut is four hours long because it’s entirely in slow motion

Nation’s dads just reminding you that Mom’s birthday coming up, not that you’d forget

Re-opening escape room owners find dozens of trapped corpses

Sleepy man just going to lie down on this couch, and whatever happens, happens

Local introvert regrets making that wish on Monkey’s Paw last year

Canada to distribute remaining vaccines through “Roll up the Rim to Win” contest

I got every covid vaccine. Here’s how they all taste.

Local woman faces Sophie’s Choice between having secure mental health and having an orgasm

Doug Ford clarifies Yorkdale Mall still open for essential Versace, BVLGARI, and Fendi supplies

Editorial: We’re getting through the entire damn Seder this Passover or so help me I will end you all – by Uncle Morris

Ford promises Oosterhoff controversy will not distract government from the vital work of bungling vaccine distribution

EDITORIAL: Antifa spoiled my crops, soured my dairy cows, and fucked my wife

Editorial: Woke cancel culture has gone too far and no, I don’t have any specific examples – by Rex Murphy

Nation’s dads just reminding you that Mom’s birthday coming up, not that you’d forget

Father giving up on son for Lent

Woman diligently washing vibrator pretty sure she could be a good mom

‘So far so good’ reports baby carrying around Ming Dynasty vase

86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages

2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview

Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles

What are you dressing up as for Halloween?

LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.

ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.

UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
I got every covid vaccine. Here’s how they all taste.

RETRO ATTACK! Jordan Peterson is back after someone mistakenly fed him after midnight

Which vax tracks and which ones are hacks? Our intern tries ALL the new Covid vaccines!

Goals! How these two millennials managed to buy a home in Toronto

You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?

You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?

You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?

You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?

Quiz: Was seeing Jean Chretien choke a guy your sexual awakening or are you normal?

QUIZ: Did you time travel or just nap until it got dark out?

QUIZ: Is your essay too short, or are post-secondary treatises a futile and meaningless exercise in quantifying intellectual abilities in a way that presents a moral and physical hardship to their creator?

QUIZ: Have you made an informed decision not to have children or are you a selfish witch?

Highlights of U.S. Election Day

10 things Doug Ford has already used the notwithstanding clause on

6 rugs that are actually just clothes you left on the floor

5 effortless pottery overalls worn by calmer women than you

How To Go Vegan…Next Week

Guide To: Edmonton

Guide To: St.John’s

How To Lose Weight
Video
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Wretched old man brings you trash you asked for

White man brags about how diverse Toronto is to his group of white friends

The Beaverton Mocks the Vote Special

Strategic Voting succeeds in preventing any real change to system

The Beaverton Mocks the Vote Special

Watch: Season 3, Episode 8

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World continues to wait for US election results

November 5, 2020 by Staff ( @ )

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Queen’s cousin dies
Doug Ford clarifies Yorkdale Mall still open for essential Versace, BVLGARI, and Fendi supplies
Ford introduces “stay at home unless you’re sick and can’t get rid of your shift” order
Jack Campbell spends entire day attempting to return $5 bill to total stranger

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Wretched old man brings you trash you asked for

White man brags about how diverse Toronto is to his group of white friends

The Beaverton Mocks the Vote Special

Strategic Voting succeeds in preventing any real change to system

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