SAN FRANCISCO – Twitter today announced it will be beta testing a new 280 character limit on tweets in an effort to ensure that the tweet that causes a Third World War will be more a more substantial historical document.
“Twitter is devoted to giving our users, especially the famous ones, the platform they need,“ said Jack Dorsey, the co-founder and CEO of Twitter. “While everyone knows the president is more than capable of starting a war within the space of a 140 character tweet, we asked ourselves, why should he have to?”
The 280 character limit will not just apply to Donald Trump’s bellicose tweets experts believe will one day incite North Korea to launch nuclear weapons, but to his attempts to get black Americans fired from ESPN and the NFL for exercising their constitutional rights as well as his midnight ramblings about covfefe, the small imp-like creature who lives in his hair.
“This tweet will be one for the history books… or possibly songs, if we revert to a post-historic society where the illiterate, mutated spawn of the survivors gather in the rubble of blasted cities to sing of the past while eking out short, miserable lives before succumbing to cancer, and we want it to be as long as it needs to be,” Dorsey explained.
“We also hope the expanded character count will encourage Kim Jong-un to reply to Trump directly on Twitter. Celebrity feuds are an important component of our business strategy, and we wanted to give these men the opportunity to trade paragraph-long insults before they trade doomsday missiles.”
Twitter assures its other users they will all eventually have access to 280 character tweets, ensuring that everyone can state their regrets, say goodbye to several loved ones, and swear at a famous athlete all in the same omega tweet.
