Parts of Quebec, Ontario inundated with politicians looking for flood photo-ops

MONTREAL – Hundreds more soldiers and disaster relief personnel have been mobilized in response to the sudden influx of municipal, provincial, and federal politicians who have saturated parts of Quebec and Ontario with flood-related speeches, promises, and photo-ops.

Eric Jarry, Public Information Officer of Montreal’s Emergency Operations Centre, says that they have shored up more podiums, hip waders, and reflective vests with name tags to deal with the surge.

“We’ve had to rescue Mayor Denis Coderre twice from drowning as he was trying to get into the right light for that perfect, stoic-looking shot,” Jarry told reporters at the EOC. “Then, Premier Philippe Couillard and Minister Mélanie Joly decided spread themselves over a wide area affecting evacuees. We’re advising people to avoid the area.”

Soldiers and disaster relief personnel have been diverted from their sandbagging and rescuing roles to handshaking and listening to speeches.

“We have two-dozen military helicopters ready for any elected official to survey the flood damage as though they had some professional input to add to the response and recovery operation.”

The worst is still yet to come as meteorologists predict a heavy downpour of Justin Trudeau, which will roll into the area on Thursday.

“We have ordered over 350,000 red sandbags with the Liberal Party of Canada logo on them just in case.”

BREAKING: We wrote a fucking book