THUNDER BAY — After three gruelling hours of tolerating such things as weather and plants, every member of the Terrence family has stated that their attempt at a picnic was ruined by the choice to hold it outside.
“It was the worst idea. Why anyone would want to waive their rights to air conditioning is beyond me”, stated Martha Terrence, the mother of the family.
The Terrences took half an hour to find a patch of grass without any goose poop, by which time the coleslaw they packed had become uncomfortably warm.
“It’s pretty hot and humid out, which looking back on it we should have predicted”, said Jeremy Terrence when reached for comment, “Turns out dairy products are not meant to be consumed in these conditions.”
Younger brother Michael spent much of his time trying to keep his plastic cup from falling over on the grass, while sister Tracy spoke to observers: “It would be a better picnic if we had a table to put things on, and wifi”. Tracy was then immediately hit in the face by a frisbee.
“It’s really been an eye opener. We’ll have to totally change things up for next time,” said Martha Terrence as she pulled a wasp out of the hummus, “I think next time we’ll go somewhere where there’s someone to bring us extra napkins when they blow away. Or we could even be somewhere where napkins won’t blow away”.
The picnic finally ended when a park-goer’s dog barged through and licked the remaining mini-carrots.
The Terrences are planning to hold their next picnic at a Boston Pizza.
