BRUSSELS – After the shocking outcome of last night’s Brexit vote, citizens of the EU say they’re ‘ecstatic’ there are going to be fewer English tourists around.
“Obviously, it’s heartbreaking to see the great European project falter like this,” said Denmark resident Jens Nielsen. “But it’ll be great to be able to use the bathroom at a club without having to wait for some rich dick from London to finish his cocaine.”
While the loss of the UK means an economic hit for the continent, it also means fewer drunk teenagers from Essex waking them up in the middle of the night by puking on the street outside of their window.
“Now I won’t have to force myself not to punch an English person every time they open their garbage island mouths,” said Belgian man Claude Guibert. “And hey, I’ll accept the increased risk of a general European war for that.”
“Jesus, they’re almost as bad as Australians.”
This is the best news for tourist-weary Europeans since a tidal wave swept away the landbridge connecting Britain in the late Mesolithic.