VIRGINIA BEACH – A Great White Shark has taken the lives of three innocent, news-worthy stories yesterday in the US.
The vicious assault on the three unsuspecting reports off the coast of Virginia Beach occurred when a sharp-toothed fish was spotted swimming ten miles away from the shore.
“There was very little hope for the three previously recorded accounts from a shark sighting,” said a CTV news producer who was unable to help himself but report on the normal shark-sighting occurrence outside his home country. “The shark simply overwhelmed us with interviews with beachgoers, biologists, fishermen and a clips from the movie Jaws. The other stories were ripped to shreds.”
The cuts made by the shark into the stories’ air time were so deep that the story editor had to remove them entirely from the newscast.
The victims names were ‘Serial killer on the loose’, ‘Tornado imminent’, and ‘Prime Minister arrested’, all 30 seconds in length.