Team: Winnipeg Jets
Mascot: The guy outside the arena still talking about Teemu Selanne’s rookie year.
2013-14 Season: Good enough not to leave again
Key Additions:
For some reason Winnipeg, the city of frostbite and mosquitos, doesn’t seem to attract big name free agents. But apparently they did get a new popcorn maker.
$12 beer sales last the entire game to make 3rd period collapses more enjoyable.
Strengths:
A loud fanbase, which should get even further riled up when Evander Kane starts throwing $100.00 bills at them, just because he can.
Blake Wheeler skates faster than most VIA Rail trains.
Dustin Byfuglien still doesn’t give a flying fuck how you improperly pronounce his name.
Only a “pretty decent” chance of the team moving to Vegas in the next 3 months.
Weaknesses:
The city of Winnipeg has a greater chance of finding a cure for pancreatic cancer this year than it does in finding a decent starting goaltender.
Team can’t stop giggling at Grant Clitsome’s name.
Post game team trips to Portage Place after 8 pm.
X Factor: Can Paul Maurice inspire his team to greatness while continuing to chew gum at such a fast rate?
Trade rumours: Evander Kane for someone less “urban.”
Key Quote:
“Goalie? What is goalie?”
– Ondrej Pavelec
Predicted finish: Slightly ahead of the Saskatchewan Roughriders.
