OTTAWA – A fire at the Communications Security Establishment Canada (CSEC) new headquarters has destroyed the internet pornography database used by the intelligence agency charged with monitoring foreign communications.
Security officials who took over the investigation from firefighters have refused comment, but sources inside the agency have been able to confirm that the fire destroyed the highly secret 5 exabyte Wank Bank of Canada (WBC), housed in a shed on the roof along with some chairs, some empty tall boys, a pack of cigarettes, a bonfire pit, and a pellet gun.
Minister of Defence Rob Nicholson, whose purview the agency falls under, refused comment, as did CSEC chief and Wank Bank manager, John Forster. However, other sources have been able to provide some insight.
“This particular data centre is used to, uh, monitor moral foreign threats especially those coming from Germany” said one CSEC employee under condition of anonymity.
“People from there are willing to do anything with anyone or anything!” the employee added with a fevered sparkle in his eye.
The fire has caused many male employees at CSEC to become agitated, restless and frustrated.
