UNITED STATES – Diehard supporters of President Donald Trump are expressing their dismay at the realization that he may never shoot a man in cold blood on Fifth Avenue like he swore he would do. …
Tag: Trump
Attempted coup in global superpower much goofier than expected
WASHINGTON D.C. – The current attempt by Donald Trump and his Republican allies to subvert the will of the people and remain in power is, according to international observers, “way st…
Toby Keith, 3 Doors Down excited for invitation to play Biden inauguration
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Musician Toby Keith and rock band 3 Doors Down have both reported how excited they are to be playing for the inauguration of the next US president Joe Biden. “I mean it h…
Trump pivots to claiming he actually won 2008 election
WASHINGTON D.C. – After a frantic series of overnight tweets in which he baselessly claimed to have actually won the recent election, outgoing President Donald Trump changed tactics by clai…
Trump announces rallies, lawsuits in bid to make self too pitiful to arrest
WASHINGTON D.C. – As news outlets confirm their earlier projections of a Biden electoral college win, President Donald Trump has announced further intentions to contest the results in a bid…
Biden wins election nine days after winning election
ATLANTA, GA – After final vote tallies from Arizona and Georgia, Joe Biden has won the U.S. presidential election only nine days after winning the U.S. presidential election. With a total o…
Scheer furious he didn’t think of staging a coup after 2019 election
OTTAWA – Back Bench Conservative MP Andrew Scheer is reportedly furious that he never thought of “doing a coup” after the 2019 election the way Donald Trump is currently trying …
Local man’s Donald Trump-Apocalypse Now analogy falls apart instantly
CHATHAM – Over a zoom cocktail hour with friends, local dentist Doug Nairn tried to make a complicated analogy comparing the end of the Trump Administration to the plot of the Francis Ford …
America’s neo-nazis ask for patience and space to grieve downfall of racist dictator
WASHINGTON D.C. – As the results of the 2020 election settle in, America’s neo-nazi community is asking for time and space to grieve the downfall of their beloved racist dictator, Donald Tr…
Trudeau excited to discover what old-timey nickname Biden will give him
OTTAWA – After calling President-elect Biden to congratulate him on winning the election, Prime Minister Trudeau is said to be looking forward to Biden bestowing upon him a fun nickname tha…