Sunrise, FL – In a landmark win for referee science, the team of Wes McCauley and Francis Charron have come up with a new way to help the Panthers win: physically blocking Oilers players in…
Tag: Stanley Cup Playoffs
“One day I’ll be dead and I won’t have to watch this team,” thinks Leafs fan to cheer himself up
TORONTO – In the wake of the Leafs discovering a new playoff performance low point even lower than their previous playoff lowpoints, fan Martin Scheffel advised that he takes comfort in the…
“You should root for the Oilers because they’re Canadian,” says man who has confused this with the fucking Olympics
TORONTO/CALGARY/VANCOUVER/MONTREAL/OTTAWA/WINNIPEG – Casual hockey fan David Hildebrandt was surprised to discover that you are not routing for the Canadian team in the Stanley Cup Finals, …
Oilers fans not sure what’s worse: losing Cup or realizing Leafs fans were right about how good Atlantic Division is
EDMONTON – Down 3-0 to the Florida Panthers, Edmonton Oilers fans report they don’t know what is making them feel worse: the possibility of being swept out of the Stanley Cup Finals, …
“Teams in states with no income tax have an unfair advantage” says adorable rube who thinks NHL players pay tax like normal people
Windsor, ON – Local NHL fan/non-accountant Mark Wilinsky has determined that the reason teams like Tampa, Florida and Vegas are consistently good is because they play in states with no stat…
Dallas’ low camera angle allows viewers chance to imagine what may be happening along nearside boards
DALLAS – Viewers watching the Edmonton Oilers defeat the Dallas Stars in double overtime were treated to a special vantage point last night: a low camera angle that makes it impossible to s…
Kris Knoblauch flips big switch in office from ‘split up McDavid and Draisaitl’ to ‘play McDavid and Draisaitl together’
EDMONTON – With the Oilers facing elimination in their series with the Vancouver Canucks, Oilers head coach Kris Knoblauch has taken the bold choice to flip the big red switch in his office…
Leafs assure devastated fans that this is them trying their best
TORONTO – After delivering an uninspired effort in Game 4 that saw them fall behind 3-1 in their first round series against the Boston Bruins, the Toronto Maple Leafs took time to promise t…
Canucks fans denied viewing parties vow to riot and destroy property from the comfort of their homes
VANCOUVER – No official outdoor Canucks viewing parties will be held in Vancouver during the NHL playoffs, prompting angry fans to make due by drunkenly smashing their own possessions. “I have fo…
NHL player declared legally dead before trade deadline expects to be ready for Playoffs
LAS VEGAS – Golden Knights player Connor Holmdenberg has announced he will be ready to play in Game 1 of the upcoming Stanley Cup Playoffs, despite the fact that he (and his 6.7 million dol…
