YOUR HOME – According to local astrologists, the planet Mercury hates your guts and is coming to kill you and everyone you love. “What your friends and family want you to do and what you need to…
Tag: Featured Post
Alberta to require citizens to carry little picture of Danielle Smith in wallets
EDMONTON – The government of Alberta has declared all citizens must now carry a little picture of Premier Danielle Smith in their wallets. Smith made the announcement this week in front of a gian…
Person you forgot was Ontario Liberal Party leader no longer Ontario Liberal Party leader
TORONTO – Bonnie Crombee (sp?), the person who has apparently been head of the Liberal Party of Ontario since 2023, is reportedly not doing that anymore. “Despite getting over 50% sup…
Pundits predict Trump’s “Thank you for being my pedophile friend” letter will hurt Democrats somehow
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After journalists revealed that President Trump wrote a birthday message to notorious sex offender Jeffrey Epstein reading, “I sure enjoyed the sex crimes you did, fellow sex c…
Visibly trembling Oilers fan insists he’s not worried about McDavid contract situation
EDMONTON – With training camp about a week away and no sign of Connor McDavid signing an extension anytime soon, Oilers fan and visibly shaking from head to toe human being Malcolm Serrano …
Everything you need to know about Alberta’s book ban
1. According to Danielle Smith it’s not a book ban, just an order banning certain books 2. The order written in July by Education Minister Demetrios Nicolaides contained such explicit descr…
Raccoon standing still on top of garbage bin worried he’s not going to get to scare the fuck out of anyone tonight
TORONTO – A local raccoon that has been standing perfectly still on top of a garbage can next to a house in Toronto’s Beach neighbourhood for 3 hours now, is starting to get worried h…
Mark Carney celebrates Labour Day by ordering labourers back to work
OTTAWA – Employees of Whiteston Manufacturing who were told they were receiving a special Labour Day surprise at the factory today were delighted when that surprise turned out to be Prime M…
Real life Jason Voorhees? This kid’s mom is weird
LAKE LOUISE – According to local sources, young campers are getting some seriously bad vibes from fellow camper Lucas Cohen thanks to his mollycoddling mom insisting that he stay safe. “Lucas’s m…
Leading physicists claim Mark Carney’s elbows are in a quantum superposition of up and down simultaneously
Waterloo, ON – The Perimeter Institute for Theoretical Physics put out a statement saying that after months of careful study, they can now claim that Prime Minister Mark Carney’s elbows are…
