HAMILTON – Although many people wear sandals in the summer, local woman Nancy Garland chooses to do so not out of comfort, but so that she can make others feel bad about staring at her deformed ...
Report: Censorship in Canada at an all time ████ despite ██████████
██████████ Ontario – A report by the ████████████████████ has revealed that the ██████████government has repeatedly ███████ information regardless of ████████████████████ “████████████████████ is be...
Federal NDP Caucus now of legal drinking age in Ontario
July is a big month for Ottawa barkeepers as it marks the first time the entire NDP caucus will legally drink in Ontario. The 2011 federal election, which swept progressive teenagers out of their Glee...
Kate Middleton gives birth to beautiful, healthy news story
LONDON – The Duchess of Cambridge gave birth today to a beautiful 8 lb international news sensation after a lengthy labour. Middleton gave birth to the story, which will be broadcast around the ...
Local bachelor probably going to get curtains, eventually
TORONTO – Local bachelor Robbie Labeouf announced earlier this week his intention to probably purchase curtains, eventually, for his apartment of three years. “It just seems like a thing I shoul...
Local friend busier than everyone else
TORONTO – Despite wanting to attend the engagement party of best friend Sophie Lahiri, local woman Tiffany Dale is busier than anyone else she knows and is completely unable to make the time. “S...
Persistent heat wave leads to construction of first ever trans-Canada Slip n’ Slide
OTTAWA – The Canadian government has responded to dangerously high temperatures with the building of a massive $3 billion Slip n’ Slide that will stretch across the nation. “It just ...
Parliament approves first safe objection site for MPs disagreeing with party lines
OTTAWA – A controversial new facility has opened its doors for MPs to openly reject partisan discipline and express themselves freely without fear of repercussions. Party-Site will be a safe zone loca...
Ex Montreal Mayor Applebaum to invest 267 k severance in SNC Lavalin
MONTREAL – Former Montreal mayor Michael Applebaum said he will use his generous severance pay from the City of Montreal to invest in a local engineering and construction firm. “I’m happy to invest my...
Breaking: City of Detroit wasn’t already bankrupt
DETROIT – Detroit, capital of the automotive industry, became the largest city in the history of the United States to declare bankruptcy on Thursday, shocking those who assumed the city had gone...
