HEAVEN – On a short Zoom call with stakeholders, today, God informed those present that the most recent mass shooting in the United States was the result of a too-broad junk filter in Heave…
U.S.
Nation relieved to see Trump indicted before he could do anything really bad
NEW YORK – People across the United States and entire world are reportedly breathing sighs of relief that the former President is experiencing legal consequences, before he could do any rea…
Fugitive Trump’s attempt to flee to Mexico thwarted by big wall
EL PASO – Recently indicted steak salesman Donald J Trump attempted to flee to Mexico early this evening in order to escape charges awaiting him in NYC, but found it impossible to make it t…
Crazy! Latest mass shooting ridiculously blamed on easy access to things that shoot
U.S.A. – In another ‘you have to read it to believe it’ situation, a few wacky experts are blaming the latest mass shooting on the shooter’s easy access to things that shoot. Seriously! I mean, w…
Trump claims he cannot serve time in prison due to bone spurs
MANHATTAN – Former US President Donald Trump, who claims he will soon be arrested on charges related to hush money payments to adult actress Stormy Daniels, stated that he is unable to serv…
Following Speaker victory, Kevin McCarthy confident it will be “smooth sailing from here”
WASHINGTON D.C. – With Kevin McCarthy emerging victorious late Friday night in his bid to become the House Speaker with a resounding 49.7 percent of the vote, he now carries a clear mandate from …
Experts warn a US rail strike could’ve lead to shortage of hobo tall tales
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In the wake of a near walkout by the US’s railway workers, experts have advised that an industry-wide strike would’ve led to supply chain disruptions of fun but exaggerat…
BREAKING: Donald Trump announces whatever it takes to get on TV again
PALM BEACH, FL – In a late-breaking address live from his Mar-A-Lago beach resort, former President Donald Trump has announced that he is willing to say or do absolutely anything whatsoever…
Democrats just as shocked as you that they didn’t fuck up this election
WASHINGTON D.C. – As Democrats look poised to expand their majority in the Senate and remain competitive in the House, numerous Democratic representatives and party elders have come forward…
Americans planning to “Move to Canada” following midterms asked to please bring some children’s medicine with them
NIAGARA FALLS – While the Democrats have fared better than expected in last night’s midterm elections, Health Canada has issued a request this morning that any political refugees stil…
