OTTAWA – Lineups have already begun to form in front of the Parliament buildings after Prime Minister Harper’s midnight announcement that the terrifying haunted House of Commons would…
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Stephen Harper loses virginity
OTTAWA – After a wild night of tea and overly competitive Boggle, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper retired to his residence at 24 Sussex Drive with his wife Laureen, where he made lov…
Mulcair discovers that he is too bearded to approach children in park
KANATA — After a very awkward 5 minutes in a Kanata playground, Thomas Mulcair came to the realization that his beard disturbs families and scares children. “Well,” a forlorn Mu…
Harper confident scandal will soon be resolved now that Duffy’s health benefits cut
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Stephen Harper stated that the ongoing Senate scandal will soon disappear now that Senator Mike Duffy’s health benefits have been removed. “Call it a hunch” Harper s…
Canada, EU reach free trade deal after Dave eats nation’s supply of Brie cheese
BRUSSELS – Canada and the European Union have signed a historic free trade agreement, which resupply Canadian fridges after Dave ate all of country’s Brie cheese. “Canadians will be relieve…
RCMP fracks aboriginal protest
REXTON – Responding to a road blockade set up by Elsipogtog First Nation members protesting SWN Resources use of Aboriginal land, the RCMP used various high-pressure techniques to fracture …
In triumph of democracy, Harper writes laws for all future governments
OTTAWA – Seeking to strengthen democratic institutions, Prime Minister Stephen Harper used this week’s speech from the throne to announce the legislative agenda of all future governments. “…
Senators on Throne Speech: ‘So this is what the Senate looks like’
OTTAWA – Members of the Canadian Senate were impressed to see the Senate Chambers for the first time during the Speech from the Throne early today. “It’s all red!” said an amazed Janis John…
Throne Speech: 8 things Canadians can expect
OTTAWA – The Harper government will resume parliament with a Speech from the Throne today. Here are what Canadians can expect: 1. Reduced roaming charges for robo-calls made from cell phone…
PROROGATION UPDATE: Harper thanks republicans for making him look so polite
OTTAWA – Taking some time out of his not-so-busy prorogation schedule yesterday, Prime Minister Stephen Harper wrote a letter to John Boehner and the Republican caucus thanking them for mak…
