TORONTO – The Leafs and franchise centre Auston Matthews have agreed to a 4 year, 53 million dollar contract extension in a move that numerous experts on twitter and reddit believe has doom…
10 ways Conservatives are trying to “soften Poilievre’s sharp edges”
Despite riding high in the polls Conservatives are worried that Canadians haven’t exactly warmed up to Pierre Poilievre just yet. So they’re spending a ton of time and money to try to…
Fuck! Group of teens just noticed you
EDMONTON – In truly alarming news it appears that a group of 8 teenagers at the mall is looking at you, a fully adult man with kids, a mortgage and a Costco membership. “Stay cool, st…
Most popular sex position in each Province
Canadians love fucking just as much as the next guy. Maybe more since it helps keep us warm in the winter. But turns out we like fucking in different ways depending on where we live. Here are the…
The Beaverton Guide to Toronto for Americans who swiped all the Taylor Swift tickets
Congrats American Swifties! You guys managed to buy a huge amount of the tickets for Taylor’s only appearance in the entire country of Canada! You could have got tickets to literally any of…
Conservatives explain why Pierre Poilievre attacking ‘globalist elites’ isn’t antisemitic
Pierre Poilievre is refusing to back down from criticism for attacking ‘globalist Davos elites’ in a Conservative fundraising email. Even though the term globalist is a well-known dog…
Read our letter threatening to sue Mark Zuckerberg
Meta was stopping people from seeing our content so we took action…
Canadian tourist shocked to discover other countries don’t put shitty carnivals next to their Wonders Of The World
EGYPT – In the midst of a grand tour to see all the wonders of the world, Canadian Jacob Pleasance was surprised that, unlike Niagara Falls, not all the Wonders Of The World are accompanied…
Liberals explain why they can’t do anything about the housing crisis
As Canadians face skyrocketing mortgages and rent, leaving many without a place to live altogether, the federal Liberals have insisted there is nothing more that they can do. We asked a few promi…
Study: Being hated by Piers Morgan, Jordan Peterson et al. most likeable thing about Justin Trudeau
OTTAWA – A new study has found that for many Canadian voters, the biggest reason they would consider supporting Justin Trudeau in the next election is how mad he makes extremely online righ…