OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney is continuing to beat the drum on international investment, calling on business leaders and countries from around the world to invest in one of Canada’s six companies.
“Canada has a thriving economy and highly competitive business environment, with many exciting industries and businesses to invest in. We’ve got Rogers, Bell, Air Canada… ummm… Canadian Tire?” said Carney, trailing off.
“Oh and Shopify! Don’t forget Shopify. They’re still Canadian, right?” added Carney, visibly sweating. “Tim Hortons? Oh right they’re Brazilian owned. What about Second Cup? They need money.”
Carney pointed to Canada’s highly educated workforce and sound regulatory environment as just two of many factors responsible for launching countless Canadian success stories like Lululemon and a big grocery store.
Carney also pointed to Canada’s growing tech sector as an area of boundless growth.
“You guys remember RIM? The Blackberry? Super ahead of its time. That was Canadian too. Nortel. Can’t forget about Nortel. Oh they went bankrupt?” said Carney, frantically Googling on his iPhone behind the podium.
“But I mean hey, you don’t have to just invest in what’s already here, you could start a completely new business. Just as long as you don’t compete with any Canadian businesses obviously,” added Carney.
International investors expressed excitement at the possibility of greater investment in Canada.
“There are many exciting opportunities here,” said Edgar Bryce, manager of the European hedge fund Marshall Brevan Capital. “In our experience, certain businesses like grocery or utilities are very low margin due to how closely they’re tied to quality of life, but in Canada these businesses seem to operate as little government protected money printing fiefdoms, so there is a massive upside.”
“There’s definitely a lot to consider,” said a sovereign wealth fund manager who spoke on condition of anonymity. “Canada is definitely on our shortlist, but we’re still looking at a few other countries that are just a little more orderly, like Belize.”
While other investors were not quite as optimistic, all agreed that if all else fails, they can just strip mine Canada for natural resources and call it a day.
