MENLO PARK, CA — As Meta’s totally cool, definitely-not-creepy smart glasses become more popular with tech bros and straight-up pervs, the tech company is reportedly baffled as to why their glasses which can record people without their consent aren’t catching on with “the ladies.”
“We see so many instances of men using smart glasses to record themselves trying to seduce women in public, you’d think there would be at least one female pickup artist out there who’d want to use our glasses too,” Zuckerberg told reporters, explaining how the lack of female support for the wearable tech has completely blindsided him.
“And it’s not only that, but I see men using them when they want to record women in non-obvious ways… wouldn’t women also want to record other women in non-obvious ways too? Or maybe we just need to make them cuter? Pink? I don’t know… I’m honestly drawing a blank…”
Asked if he had ever encountered problems with women not liking his products in the past, Zuckerberg said how he always had women support his work.
“When I launched FaceMash back in college, women loved having men compare pictures of them with other women based on who’s hotter,” Zuckerberg said. He continued, “And Facebook’s been great for women’s self-image. But when it comes to smart glasses, our user base is a total sausage fest…”
But while some critics believe women might be avoiding smart glasses because of privacy concerns and also because they don’t want people to think they’re some kind of perv for wearing them, Zuckerberg dismissed those concerns and suggested that maybe adding more female-friendly AI features might make the glasses more appealing to women.
“We’re currently designing a series of filters that allows users to see the world in a whole new way,” Zuckerberg explained. “One filter I’m super excited about is the X-Ray filter which allows users to see people without their clothes on. It’ll make you feel like Superman… and/or Supergirl.”
At press time, Mark Zuckerberg reportedly put another $18 billion into his scandal jar “just in case.”
