ST. CATHERINE’S — Canada’s Baby Boomers increasingly say social media is to blame for setting unrealistically high standards for their lawns.
“Sometimes I’m on Facebook, enjoying posts about how Taylor Swift is dumb and seatbelts are for snowflakes, and then I see a photo of a friend’s perfect, green, rectangle of a yard, and it ruins my whole day,” said Brian Schultz, 66.
Schultz is not alone. 83% of Boomers report feeling worse about their lawns after just six hours a day on social media. “Our lawn isn’t perfect,” said Colleen Martin, 73. “It’s got weird lumps, and it’s a little soggy by the shed, but we love it anyway. Until goddamn Gayle in Victoria posts her lawn looking like a tropical paradise. In February.”
Schultz thinks the posts that hurt most are the ones that aren’t overtly about lawns at all. “Some guy from church posts a car he’s selling, as if the perfectly lush, weed-free, precision-trimmed lawn in the background is just… normal. Not even worth mentioning. I can harldy look at my lawn in the mirror after seeing that.”
Martin shares his frustration. “My friends are dying and my kids took away my car keys. At least let me enjoy my friggin’ grass.”
Family therapist Anita Denora reminds her Boomer clients that, while they see their lawn every day, they’re only seeing everyone else’s lawns at their very best. “I also remind them that I don’t need to know the race of every lawn owner they follow,” said Denora.
Denora tries her best to teach her clients to question what they see on social media, which is increasingly cluttered with exaggerated, over-the-top AI images. “But it’s tough to convince the generation that thought Elton John was straight that they need to look at things a little closer.”
Martin dismisses the concerns. “Look, I only follow real people. Like this one fella with grass like a putting green, and lawn furniture that hovers above the ground like drones, and every night wild bunnies jump on his trampoline. He maintains it all even though he’s missing fingers. If he can do that, why can’t I?”
