CHILLIWACK, BC – Recently, organizers of the Fraser Valley Trans Pride Festival ran into opposition when a group proclaiming themselves ‘Homos for Common Sense’ protested outside of their organizing office in the city centre.
“We need to stop this radical, destructive, communist transgender menace,” said Sid Phillips, the group’s leader. “I mean, this critical gender ideology theory nonsense has only been around for like ten years! All because that Jenner person suddenly decided they were a girl!”
Many of the attendees carried homemade signs expressing opposition to ‘radical trannies,’ ‘men in dresses,’ and Imane Khelif, and came dressed in flamboyant apparel like rear-less chaps, leather harnesses, mesh tanktops, and knee-high stockings. Meanwhile others carried signs and wore clothing emblazoned with Conservative Party of Canada symbols and logos.
“Pierre Poilievre’s strong stance against this horrendous movement is why I supported the Conservatives in the last election and why I’ll continue to support them now,” Phillips clarified. “He may have voted against same sex marriage before, but I would vote to outlaw my marriage to my wonderful husband in a heartbeat if it meant saving our precious children from these sick perverts.”
Also at the protest was Phillips’ husband, local restaurateur Hank Phillips, holding the pair’s two-year-old child. “I love my son, Austin, we adopted him last year, and he’s been the most wonderful thing to happen to our lives. And sure, some Conservative politicians have said they want to restrict the right of men like us to adopt and foster children, but if they keep men out of women’s sports, toilets, and clothing stores, well, I think that’s more than a fair trade.”
One member of the group, pastry chef Clive Milley, was asked what the trans community had done to earn their ire. “Well, I guess they haven’t done anything specifically, but I’m just so sick and tired of how the trannies get all of the attention nowadays!” said Milley.
“It’s almost entirely thinly veiled hatred and hostility from the public, press, and politicians, but goddammit, why won’t they campaign to have us homos eradicated anymore?! We started the gay rights movement after all!”
When asked about how she felt about the protestors, Fraser Valley Trans Pride Festival organizer Lily MacMurray said, “I don’t know what they’re so worked up about, we don’t even have a march, we were just going to hang out for the day playing Magic the Gathering and guessing who ends up making out with whom.”
