Farmer's Knee's Almanac predicts storm a-comin', big one, too - The Beaverton

Farmer’s Knee’s Almanac predicts storm a-comin’, big one, too

ESSA — The Farmer’s Knee’s Almanac unveiled their prediction today that a big ol’ was liable to be coming into town.

The long-running publication, edited by Gerald “Old Man” Henderson, has offered weather forecasts for the area directly around his front porch for over 40 years of arthritis. While the somewhat more famous Farmers’ Almanac uses a 200 year old “secret mathematical formula” to make long range predictions about weather, Mr Henderson prefers an 86 year old leg joint.

“Yeah this old knee of mine is acting up something fierce, definitely reckon there’s a storm not too far off,” Henderson said while rocking gently on his favourite sitting chair. He then proceeded to lick his finger and hold it up to the wind to gather more data. “Yeah, she’s a big one alright. Best be finding shelter soon.”

Resident’s in the town said they agreed with the Almanac. “Of course there’s a goddamn storm coming!” Brigitte Coombs shouted over the increasing wind while showing the weather report on her phone. “We have satellites and radar now.”

The Almanac and its staff, however, are not concerned with the advent of modern technology in forecasting. “You don’t need some computer tell you when it’s gonna be howling,” claimed Henderson. “Just gotta use your brain, and your knee what come up a bit lame after a scuffle with a tractor in ‘76.”

As for the upcoming fall season the Knee’s Almanac was predicting “it’ll be cold some, warm some, harder to walk up the goddamn steps to watch my stories in the sitting room that’s for sure. Yeah I’d say it’s fair there’ll be some weather.”