LISTOWEL, ON – Farmers across Ontario have already started using the provincial PC Party’s platform to fertilize their fields as the policies outlined are nutrient rich in bullshit.
Allan O’Dwyer, owner of O’Dwyer farms, says he knows a good pile of political manure when he sees one.
“When I first saw that glossy cover, I instantly switched from Liberal and NDP platforms to Patrick Brown’s ‘People’s Guarantee,’” said O’Dwyer while looking over his empty field. “It’s really thick, and has the right balance of nitrogen and hypocrisy. Perfect for lettuce.”
Neighbours from miles away have already started to complain about O’Dwyer’s use of the especially foul-smelling platform which suspiciously smells like the Liberal one.
There over 140 different kinds of soil-nourishing statements of bullshit in each booklet.
“There’s tax breaks, a deficit, a 12% drop in hydro bills, which then turns into balancing the budget within two years. For farmers who have dug deep in Patrick Brown’s history as an MP, you just know that’s a fine pile of shit.”
O’Dwyer and other farmers hope for a high yield in produce next year since there’s more fertilizer to be spewed across the province once the election campaign starts in the Spring.