VELES – President-elect Donald Trump kicked off his tour to celebrate and thank the people who helped him get elected with a special stop at the Macedonian fake news website that had tricked millions of Americans into believing outright lies about his opponent Hillary Clinton.
“This momentous achievement does not belong to me. It belongs to you. Without your hard work, your passion and dedication we would not be standing here,” said Trump to the staff of WorldPoliticus.com. “I think it’s fair to say I owe you the most of anyone.”
“I thank you, the Republican party thanks you, and a shockingly high percentage of Americans unknowingly thank you.”
Trump went on to acknowledge the specific role the website played in his surprise victory, with headlines like “Hillary Clinton to be indicted over email scandal!” “Hillary Clinton says she hates American made cars” and “Hillary Clinton is a literal demon who people saw eating dozens of babies, puppies and cats,” which received over 2 million shares on facebook alone.
“We can only speculate what would have happened in the election had you not perfected the formula of preying on Americans political biases and prejudices with buzzwords and punctuation.”
Trump then went around shaking every staffer’s hand while passing them a $100.00 bill.