New workplace stress training empowers employees to blame selves - The Beaverton

New workplace stress training empowers employees to blame selves

Newmarket, ON — A new workplace stress management course at office supply distributor Nanco Dynamics will help ensure employees take responsibility for their stress rather than blaming a dysfunctional workplace or oppressive supervisors.

“I noticed low morale among our workers,” explained owner and manager Tom Armstrong who oversees 45 employees. “People were complaining and stressing about frivolous things such as harassment, unfair pay, lack of advancement, too many bosses and a bunch of other things. So, I’ve taken the initiative by training employee to ensure that the company is not causing needless stress; they’re just poor stress managers.”

The training seminar will instruct participants on how to identify their role in causing stress, 7 effective tools on not communicating your crippling stress and tips for hiding your supervisor’s incompetence.

“We ensure employees reach their fullest potential of self-blame,” explained Tanya Holdum of Deal With It, a workplace wellness consulting firm. “We try to push out any sense of reason, innovation, or hope for positive change and replace it with a mindset of guilt that you’re not doing enough. I’m here to connect workers with their inner spinelessness.”

The training included a deep breathing exercise, which involved holding one’s breath for as long as possible to bundle away any stress about not having a better career.

“You need to be mindful of how your stress affects your overbearing boss and his family,” said a soft spoken Holdum to a group 24 workers with their eyes closed while gentle ambient music played in the background.

Holdum then facilitated the group to get up from their chairs, stand up straight, reach into the sky and lean as far back as they could, and then kick their own asses.

According to sources in HR, the half-day course will be docked from the employee pay to make up for lost time.