TORONTO – After a chain-link fence was spotted under construction outside their headquarters, The Globe and Mail issued a statement clarifying that the fence was merely the latest tactic they’ve employed to keep Margaret Wente off the premises.
“We tried firing her, taking away her security badge, and getting a restraining order,” said editor-in-chief David Walmsley. “Yet every morning she’d somehow be back at her desk, writing divisive, inane bullshit like nothing ever happened.”
The resilient journalist has been a featured columnist at The Globe and Mail since 1986, despite being barred from the building sometime in the mid-90s. Throughout her career she has distinguished herself from her competition with her no-nonsense conservatism, refusal to apologize, and heavy use of plagiarism. As her readership has grown, so has her influence at the paper.
“We aren’t sure how she managed to get into the computer system but she basically controls the whole network now,” said Walmsley. “For someone who talks about a return to simpler values she sure knows a lot about hacking.”
It remains to be seen if the wall will be an effective deterrent but Walmsley is hopeful.
“Security says they haven’t seen her all day,” said Walmsley. “So maybe it work- wait, do you hear that…? Is she in the air ducts?”
At press time, Margaret Wente said she was looking forward to another 28 years at The Globe and Mail, whether they like it or not.
