NEW YORK – Judaism’s oldest mystery was solved on Wednesday when the Rabbinical Council revealed that Hanukkah is 8 days long to accommodate all of the holiday’s potential english spellings.
“Eight days always seemed like such an arbitrary length for a holiday to me,” confessed Rabbi Saul Wiesenthal, “even if G-d created it.”
Wiesenthal settled this thorny theological question with some help from technology.
“I was texting during services one Saturday and misspelled Hanukkah,” the conservative theologian explained. “Then, like a sign from above, I noticed that there are eight possible ways to correct it. It was the biggest miracle since the Maccabeans managed to keep their candles going!”
In light of this discovery, Jewish children everywhere are hoping that the Rabbinical Council declares pig latin to be Kosher so that ‘annukah-hay’ earns them a ninth night of latkes and mediocre gifts.
