VATICAN CITY – Officials from the Roman Catholic church announced Monday that ABC has ordered twenty-four hour long episodes of Vatican’s Next Top Pope, a reality TV show documenting the search for the next Bishop of Rome and successor to Saint Peter’s as the Apostle of the Lord’s word.
Filming of the show will begin as Pope Benedict the XVI abdicates on February 27. The winner will take over as the earthly vessel of the Holy Spirit in addition to receiving ten thousand dollars and a 2014 Jeep Rubicon.
The Vatican, which represents the faith of more than one billion Catholics worldwide, will be collaborating with reality television titan Mark Burnett, producer of Survivor, the Voice, and Shark Tank. The show feature ten hopeful bishops living together in close quarters as they try to survive weekly challenges and prove they have what it takes to be the next Pontiff. Burnett said he aimed to bring some reality star power to the show during challenges.
“You’re going to see Donald Trump consulting with the bishops on how to properly sell the core values of their faith to non-believers, Gordon Ramsay judging communion wafer and wine pairings, Miss J appearing to judge hat designs. Of course, in the end it comes down to whom can best play the game. That and ensure that social progress and human development occur only at the pace by which holy scriptures deem it acceptable.”
The contestants already show great diversity of personality and nationality, from the charismatic but hot-headed Odilo Scherer, archbishop of Sao Paolo who is “in it for one reason: to win” to Timothy Dolan, the self-described “clown” archbishop of New York who is “mostly looking forward to meeting people and having a great time.”
“This is a great opportunity for the church to appeal to a younger generation and regain credibility in wake [of Pope Benedict XVII’s] failed twitter account,” said media blogger Maria DeAndre. “Also, if I recall there have been transparency issues in the past.”
