WIARTON, ON – Meteorologists were flabbergasted today when Wiarton Willie, the popular weather rodent, emerged from his burrow and was frightened by the sight of the dark, undesirable aspect of his unconscious mind. The large rodent immediately scurried back underground, forecasting an indefinite extension of the cold season of the soul.
“We aren’t sure what was different this year, usually he either calls for six more weeks of winter or an early spring, not unending self-inflicted spiritual torment.” said local weatherman Bob Poplowski. “I mean, there’s no umbrella for that!”
This was the first time Willie had projected such emotional and psychological importance upon the physical phenomenon of a shadow, leaving Wiarton, and in fact the rest of the country, unsure of what to expect over the next few months.
“I just wanted to know if I should plan my vacation for March or April,” said Peterborough resident Langdon Montgomery, “and now I can’t stop thinking about whether the violent, sexual urges I repress are as natural a part of me as the virtues I extoll. I hope this plunge into the untamed wilds of my subconscious doesn’t last into barbeque season.”