TORONTO – Attempting to salvage negotiations before an impending teacher strike, the Elementary Teachers’ Federation of Ontario (ETFO) said they would accept government enforced cuts so long as they no longer have to teach 8-year-old Sammy Sizemore from North Toronto.
“Although we feel strongly that the government is acting unconstitutionally, we are willing to accept all their measures if they relieve us of our duty with Sammy,” said Sam Hammond, president of the ETFO. “The government is pushing through some awful cuts that, in the scale of things, really aren’t even half as bad as facing another decade of work with that little jerk.”
Union members unanimously agreed that the trade-off is more than fair.
“Having a break room was a perk that doesn’t really make sense when every time you come back from lunch you’re faced with what new horrible thing Sammy has done to the class hamster,” said Wendy Ellis, a third grade teacher.
“Never again do I want to call the fire department during arts and crafts because Sammy had managed to start a fire with the glue gun, and then get lectured for it by his overbearing mother at PT meetings,” added homeroom teacher Stephanie Cartwright.
In other news, a similar proposal by the Ontario Secondary School Teachers’ Federation (OSSTF) would avert a strike if high school is extended by one year in order to give time for 17-year-old Becky Simmons to fully mature.
