QUEBEC – In response to Alberta’s Buffalo Declaration, Quebec politicians are refusing to allow a bunch of measly Albertan yokels muscle in on their tactic of threatening to separate from the federation.
The Sherbrooke Declaration, Trois-Riviere Accord, and something called “Bill 101 On Steroids” have been hastily signed by the province’s pro-sovereignty leaders as a fuck you gesture to their Alberta counterparts.
“Separation and sovereignty are our words,” said Premier Francois Legault referring to the document signed by four Alberta MPs outlining the conditions for Alberta staying within Canada. “Grieving constantly and refusing to participate unless you get your way like being able to oppress visible minorities is our trademark. Alberta does a cute impression of Quebec, but these small fry hicks should know their place.”
“Oh, and we at least proof-read our ultimatums,” added Legault referring to the grammatical error on page two of the Buffalo Declaration.
Quebec lawmakers decreed there’s only one throne for the King of Complaints in Canada’s federal system, and it doesn’t belong to pipeline-loving country bumpkins who support “Wa-Wa Wexit.”
“The Buffalo Declaration is adorable, but have they tried two provincial referendums?” remarked Bloc leader Yves-François Blanchet sarcastically. “Pro-tip: If you’re going to pull the ‘recognize our distinct identity’ bullshit, try not speaking the same language of your apparent oppressors.”
“Fucking amateurs,” scoffed former Quebec Premier Lucien Bouchard. “That’s no way to shakedown the feds. Alberta can go suck its truck nuts.”