ST. JOHNS – A live-action underwater musical remake of the acclaimed film Titanic has been in the works for years, but production came to a halt this week after 4K footage of the delicate wreck was recently released by researchers.
A retired Dalhousie University civil engineering professor predicts the Titanic will only be around for another 20 years before it completely disintegrates into the ocean. “Having troupes of dancers pirouetting and jumping all over the wreck is causing irreparable damage and accelerating the deterioration.”
Rehearsals haven’t gone exactly as planned either as there are several reports of performers experiencing hypothermia, decompression sickness and oxygen toxicity.
The director Cameron James is severely disappointed in the lack of support by the public. “I’m doing this for the fans, so I don’t understand where the backlash is coming from. We had to spend the majority of our budget relocating scenes to the port side of the ship due to the starboard collapsing.”
Mother of three Evelyn Sudeiski reminisced on how important the Titanic was to her own love life, “I remember seeing the movie when I was a teen and deciding I wanted a love that could survive tragedy. Celine Dion’s ‘My Heart Will Go On’ was my wedding song. Now that the ship is disintegrating, I’m beginning to have some doubts about the foundation of my own relationship…”
Avid fans of the original film have been encouraged to drive out to the Atlantic and scream their personal, irrefutable, and binding casting decisions deep into the heart of the ocean.