WASHINGTON DC – Exposing greedy corporate propaganda, an industry watchdog group has obtained leaked internal documents that demonstrate a direct connection between popular anti-vaccination social media pages and Big Child Coffin lobbying groups.
“The anti-vaxx movement has clearly benefited from these companies,” said a statement released by Media Materialis, adding that the return of once eradicated diseases such as measles and polio has meant a huge increase in profits for an industry battling with historically low child mortality rates due to modern science. “Once we had the proof that these page registrations were linked to lobbying groups that solely represent the the multi-billion dollar industry that controls the global supply of child coffins, we had to go public.”
“It’s the biggest public scandal since they marketed candy coffins to children back in the 80s,” he added.
Typically these pages, some with hundreds of thousands of followers, sow skepticism at scientifically proven disease controls, in favour of “natural solutions,” including essential oils, prayers, and in some cases, encouraging parents to organize small pox parties to “organically boost immunity.”
These pages contained memes, which were shared by hundreds of people, using slogans like, “Turn hump days into mumps days”, “Stop lock jaw by speaking out. Tetanus is a myth” or “Big Pharma wants you to fear-ia Diphtheria.”
These diseases, until very recently in human history, were responsible for the deaths of millions of children every year. Findings indicate that if even a fraction of these deaths could occur on an ongoing basis due to decreased herd immunity, fortune 500 companies like SarcoffaKids, KinderKaskets, JuviMort, and Big Dave’s Discount Kiddy Tombs, and their global shareholders, will stand to make billions.
“There’s also evidence that these groups started the short lived fad of eating Tide pods,” said the watchdog agency.
At press time, an acquaintance of yours on Facebook just posted a meme about how her three children under 7-years-old are “Unvaxxed and worry free!”