MONTREAL – Scientists at McGill University have proven, using psychological studies, genetic research, and MRIs, that human beings could easily just take a chill pill and be generous to all humankind.
“After looking carefully at the human genome we have concluded there is no biological reason that a person needs to, say, shoot up a temple or support the erosion of women’s rights,” said lead researcher Dr. Carrie Pond. “In fact, our research indicates that it would be far easier to, for example, give everyone a big ol’ hug.”
“Or not, if they don’t want to be hugged. That’s fine too.”
Dr. Pond’s research also shows that asking about someone’s day is not only physically possible, it is far more natural than, you know, chanting, waving signs, and writing tweets that vilify religious groups you don’t like.
“Additionally, there is no evidence that the brain needs racial hatred in order to function,” said Dr. Pond. “You wouldn’t think that was true based on all of human history but, hey, that’s why this research is so groundbreaking.”
At press time, Dr. Pond’s research had been rejected by the world’s governments for having a clear left-wing, right-wing, fascist, communist, Judeo-Christian, Islamist bias.
