JELLYSTONE PARK, WY – A local bear seems to have used his higher-than-normal intelligence to turn a crushed soda can into some manner of rudimentary knife.
“I’ve caught this bear trying to steal picnic baskets before,” said Park Ranger Smith. “But this is the first time that he’s come at me prison-style.”
At press time, park authorities had logged the appearance of a pink mountain lion with phone books taped around his midriff, yellow pages strapped to his torso, even.
