OTTAWA – In a stunning scandal which has caught the eye of people from all sides of the political spectrum, 12 recently landed planes supposedly carrying Syrian refugees have been revealed to be populated solely by elaborately dressed mannequins.
“Do you have any idea how many people 10,000 people is?!” asked Roy Martire, Liberal head of Refugee Relocation, “I mean, each of these planes holds 100? 200 maybe? And Justin [Trudeau] wants us to bring over 10,000 in a few weeks! What would you do?”
Although the flight manifests suggested that the flights originated from Turkey and other regional areas housing refugee camps, the use of Porter airlines to transport the passengers was the first indication that perhaps all was not as it seemed. Recently acquired surveillance videos of known Liberal staffers looting Montreal area department stores of their mannequins has lent further credence to the actual source of the passengers.
“We really meant to meet the deadline, but we kind of fell into the usual holiday procrastination mode, and then all of a sudden it was late December and we panicked,” said one staffer who wished to remain anonymous.
The dummies were all hastily dressed in multiple layers of clothing from the GAP, Simon’s, and Roots in order to hide the obvious lack of hair, skin texture, or facial features. Local university students recruited by the Liberal party to help dress the faux-refugees reported that they rubbed some mud into the clothes and burned them a little to make them appear “more refugee-ish.”
John McCallum, Canadian Minister of Immigration, Citizenship, and Refugees, issued a statement at a brief press conference on the developing story: “Look, it’s not our proudest moment. But I think Canadians will be proud to learn that we made a concerted effort not to limit ourselves to only one type of mannequin. We didn’t restrict the flight to only Christmas mannequins, for example. We brought mannequin families, black mannequins, and heterosexual and homosexual mannequins from sex stores.”
Other liberal pundits have pointed out that the U.S. hasn’t brought any mannequins in at all. However, NDP critics were similarly quick to mention that the Liberals appear to have caved somewhat to xenophobic pressures insofar as no male mannequins traveling alone were aboard any of the flights.
