WOODBRIDGE, ON – A pleasant end-of-week dinner at Alice Fazooli’s restaurant in Woodbridge was interrupted for many families yesterday evening when a ten-person mob of antipasto protesters stormed the premises.
“I was about to take a bite out of my linguini al pesto when a hooded woman, no older than 25, snatched the fork from my hands, yelled ‘Better dead than bread!’ and knocked all the food off the table,” said Papa Fraschetti, who was dining at the eatery with his family at the time. “It was wholly unexpected.”
Authorities claim that the protesters, who carried signs with the slogans ‘Make love, not pasta!’, ‘Don’t repeat the pasta!’ and ‘We’re pasta point of no return!’, are believed to be affiliated with the culinary extremist group Against the Grain. While most of the demonstrators fled before police arrived at the scene, Mac Strainer, allegedly the group leader, was detained.
“He’s is going straight to the Penne-tentiary,” said Officer Kyle Perlman, who arrested Strainer. “You are allowed, and encouraged, to protest pizza-fully. But this went well beyond the law.” When asked if these kinds of restaurant rallies are expected to recur, Perlman added, “We never sausage demonstrations before and cannoli hope they won’t happen again.”
