Local man deeply offended that you aren’t caught up on any of his favourite TV shows - The Beaverton

Local man deeply offended that you aren’t caught up on any of his favourite TV shows

TORONTO — What started as an innocent conversation with a coworker about last night’s Awards quickly spun out of control when, sources say, you provoked the scorn and derision of a local television snob.

Blake Patterson, 27, was unprepared for what would happen when he turned a light-hearted discussion with you about to the subject of the awards show. When he said that he didn’t believe that Jon Snow was really dead, you asked if Snow was “one of those vampires from that space show.” It remains unclear, at the time of publication, what the hell you were talking about.

Patterson, who litters his social media accounts with the kind of obsessive and self-assured pop culture commentary that scares and confuses you, was reportedly “visibly shaken” by the comment. He soldiered on, listing additional award-winning series that he had recently finished in a bid to prime a conversation that he could easily dominate. Sources from your office say that with each show, however, you shook your head shyly, coughing occasionally in the hopes that someone might think you were choking and interrupt.

Eventually, a wide-eyed Patterson raised his voice enough to draw the attention of other colleagues, yelling that he “thought you said you were a TV person” and demanding, for all to hear, that you identify your favourite program.

Multiple witnesses confirm that, suddenly exposed, you looked down and muttered the acronym “” into your coffee. A painful hush settled over the newly-gathered audience. Patterson, a self-identified “cutting-edge content curator” recognized among your coworkers for his excellent taste, stood slack-jawed with contempt.

Rudderless under his withering glare, you made incremental motions towards the door of the the break room, but there was no clear exit from this excruciating social nightmare.

It was then that office cut-up Steve broke the tension with a joke you didn’t understand. Relieved, you made a show of laughing, but later googled it to discover that it was a clever reference to yet another TV show you hadn’t seen. Sources confirm that this fact only made you feel worse.

HR administrator Laura Trainor, 28, agreed to speak on the record about the incident. “It was very difficult,” she said, “I mean, who hasn’t seen The Wire? Do you live in a cave? Do you not have a computer?” When asked if she had also kept up with Blake Patterson’s viewing regime, however, she responded. “I mean, I’ve watched most of … but, you know, I have a big dog and it needs a lot of exercise… Oh, God — Blake is going to read this, isn’t he!? I need to go.”