ESSEX, ON – Following the unexpected death of her husband Greg, mother of two Shelly Polluck has managed to find a replacement with similar markings just days before her children return from camp.
“The kids are only innocent for so long, so why take that away from them?” said Polluck, teaching her new husband the kids’ names with flashcards and a spray bottle. “We’ll just have to make sure we keep this one away from traffic.”
Polluck added that the kids won’t notice, since most dads sleep upwards of 16 hours a day anyway.
“If anything, the new dad is better housetrained than the old one,” Polluck said. “And they dewormed him for free at the shelter where I picked him up, so that’s one less wifely duty I have to worry about.”
At press time, Camp Wayahoga had made up for losing Polluck’s children by buying her a beautiful golden retriever puppy.
With files by Rob Ito
