MILTON – After weeks of worrying, Timothy Pond was relieved to hear the whole situation in Syria had been solved.
Pond, a 46-year-old construction worker from Milton, believes the chemical disarmament treaty has won the war on Terror. “The US was going to fight the Middle East,” Pond said, “but the Russian guy without a shirt said they could hand in guns and it’d be all good.”
“The twitter revolution really helped us catch Mohamad Hussein Assad Ga-dushi in 2011,” Pond elaborated. “You know, the one with the Amazon women.”
Pond believes this has calmed tensions in the entire Middle East, even China.
“The Suni – Shi’a dispute is just water under the bridge!” exclaimed Pond. “Now people can get back to the real issues like how Palestine has trouble building settlements.”
