BRACEBRIDGE, ON – Police were dispatched to the Claire family’s Arbordale residence yesterday morning, after reports that Madison Claire’s Hunger Games-themed birthday party had gotten way out of hand.
“At first we were given these lame cards telling us what ‘district’ we were from, and had to play dumb party games,” said fifteen-year-old survivor Jenny Bray.
“Then while we were bobbing for apples, Madison’s parents came in and said they were sorry but that they hadn’t made enough loot bags for everyone, and Shauna just sort of held Thomas’ head down until he stopped moving. The party really started to pick up from then on.”
Trevor Morris, 16, cast the party in a more romantic light. “Well, Johnny liked Chloe, but Cliff also liked Chloe. But then Johnny tore Cliff’s head off with birthday streamers. But then he also suffocated Chloe with wrapping paper, but then I crumpled his spine with the piñata bat. It was just like in the movie!”
In lieu of birthday gifts, Madison’s parents request that well-wishers send flowers for her close-casket funeral.
