TORONTO – Demoralized and frustrated by the team’s lack of playoff success, Toronto Maple Leafs fan Mark Montrose says that if Hart, Rocket and Lindsay award winner Auston Matthews is…
Tag: NHL
Winners and Losers of the 2023 NHL draft based on the 5 minutes of research I did right before it started
Another first round of the NHL draft has come and gone. And if there is one thing we know about selecting a bunch of 18 year olds to play professional hockey for our teams 1-4 years down the line…
NHL honours its best by forcing them to listen to D-List celebrities mispronounce their names
NASHVILLE – After another successful season, the NHL will be celebrating its best players in traditional fashion, by making them sit in a crowded auditorium while a collection of obscure Am…
[Team] wins Stanley Cup
NORTH AMERICAN CITY – After a hard-fought series that went [number] games, the Stanley Cup has been awarded to [team], a victory by the [favourites/underdogs] that many analysts [predicted/failed…
Sport about to be passed in popularity by world’s 5th best soccer league sees no reason to change
NEW YORK CITY – The NHL, a league who will soon make less money and attract fewer eyeballs than the propreantepenultimate name in soccer, the MLS, announced they will make no significant ch…
Report: There are now more bidders to buy the Ottawa Senators than there are fans of the Ottawa Senators
OTTAWA – Analysts tracking the ever growing list of actors, singers and the usual shady billionaires who want to buy the Ottawa Senators have concluded that they now outnumber the people wh…
Leafs fans sick of current ‘good but not good enough’ team going to love return of ‘we suck and our front office is chaos’ era
TORONTO – With Kyle Dubas out as GM of the Toronto Maple Leafs just weeks before crucial decisions have to be made about key players Auston Matthews and William Nylander, the fanbase is div…
Oilers and Leafs fans seamlessly transition from arguing about which team is going to win the Cup to which team shat the bed worse
TORONTO – Having spent much of the season locked in fierce online battles about whether the Leafs or Oilers would win the Cup, team fans have effortlessly moved on to discussing which team …
Panthers beat Leafs 3-3
TORONTO – The Florida Panthers ended the Leafs season in crushing fashion tonight, with a 3-3 OT victory. “We fought hard all year to give ourselves a chance to succeed,” said g…
Leafs pleased they could find a more creative way to devastate fans than just losing in first round again
Whatever city the Panthers play in, FL – Staring down a potential sweep to the Florida Panthers after turning in a truly horrendous effort in Game 3, The Toronto Maple Leafs say they are pl…