KAMLOOPS, BC – Although his nosebleed is barely contained by a rolled up piece of napkin, sources report that local bartender Eric Rawley is just going to dig real deep and ‘gut it out’ until the end of his shift.
“His nose is gushing pretty bad but the bar’s jammed and he’s the only one on. It looks like he’s just going to grit his teeth and play through the pain.” Bouncer Mack Rasgitti said of the crimson-stained barkeep. “If he doesn’t pass out from blood loss he’ll giv’er straight to last call.”
While many customers described the bartender’s gushing lifeblood as “unsanitary”, others have flocked to the barkeep’s defence. “It was a little weird when a drop of blood landed on the head of my beer.” Said patron Emily Palaez. “But it takes real balls to whip up a half-dozen mojitos while tilting your head back to stanch the bleeding. I tipped him accordingly.”
Although Rawley’s shift was scheduled to end at 8 PM, coworker Dane Morris called to ask Rawley to cover for him, citing a “nasty hangnail, dude.” Despite already being somewhere between a pint and a quart short of vital fluids, sources report that Rawley responded that “bro, it’s fine”.
With the smell of iron hanging heavy over a bar floor slick with human blood, manager Ray Caplain told the work-horse pint-puller it was ok if he wanted to go to the hospital. Rawley instead elected to step outside and crush a cigarette in thirty five seconds.
At press time, despite doing record business, O’Halloran’s Bar and Grill had yet to sell any of its signature Caesars.
