TORONTO – In a recent CBC gaffe, Hockey Night in Canada has mistakenly rehired a colourfully dressed homeless person instead of legendary hockey commentator Don Cherry.
The homeless man, who identified himself as Cornelius Hasselhoff, was picked up at the Toronto bus station after CBC producers heard familiar rants about the pinkos at Toronto City Hall coming from an individual dressed in a candy cane striped pink suit with a loony tunes tie, and just assumed it was the man recently voted as the seventh Greatest Canadian of all time.
“We understand that we have made a rehiring error after the end of the NHL lockout,” said executive producer Trevor Pilling. “However, we feel that there wasn’t much of a programming change. Viewers can still expect loud conservative opinions, a mistrust of any form of bodily protection and calling people ‘pukes’ for not fighting. Plus he makes Ron MacLean feel just as uncomfortable.”
“You know what the problem is with French guys?” Cornelius asked , interrupting co-host MacLean on the first taping of the show. “They play like a bunch of women and are a bunch of whiners. Let me tell you kids, these Russians are stealing good Canadian hockey jobs. Support our troops! 9/11 was an inside job!”
Cherry was notably absent for comment at press time, but was later discovered bathing in the water fountain inside the CBC building.