TORONTO – CBC’s News Now production meeting was running long until chief editor brilliantly suggested adding the word ‘gate’ to the main noun of the major story to simplify the whole complex scan…
Local
Local man pretty sure fiancée’s middle name either Helen or Maureen
BURLINGTON, ON – Local man Stephen Saroyan was put on the spot last week when trying to order wedding invitations while unsure of his fiancée’s middle name. “I think she mentioned it once o…
Local family forced to euthanize talking snowman
BURLINGTON, ON – With spring coming on, Burlington’s Coates family has no choice but to put Mr. Snowglobe, the magical talking snowman they accidentally brought to life earlier this season,…
Local man’s nipples didn’t turn out the way that he’d hoped
YELLOWKNIFE, NWT – With differences in both puffiness and colouration from what he had thought they would be like, the nipples of local man Eric Willems have failed to live up to his expect…
Parents hire better looking kids for family photo
MONCTON, NB – Despite having a son and a daughter of their own, local parents Bill and Tammy Hampshire say they prefer using professional child actors for their family photo shoots. “Tabath…
First robin of Spring almost completely unfrozen
SUDBURY, ON – A robin has been sighted in Chelmsford park, almost entirely free of ice. As any Canadian knows, the emergence of the robin from its annual cryogenic cycle is a sure sign that…
Bob Rae strums on Banjo down by old fishin’ hole.
ARNPRIOR, ON – Former leader of the Federal Liberal Party Bob Rae sat down by Gomper’s pond and strummed on his old banjo, sources reported late Monday afternoon. Ontario’s twen…
Boy detective discovers Grandpa is having weird sex
HAMILTON, ON – Through the application of deductive methods and gumption, local boy detective Ronald “Reference” Wilson, 11, has made the discovery that his grandfather is havin…
Newspaper finds award it won to be very newsworthy
TORONTO – After winning the Stephen Glass award for excellence in journalistic integrity, the Toronto Star has determined the news of the award being granted merited a front page, above the…
Olivia Chow announces she is almost ready to consider announcing her candidacy for mayor of Toronto
TORONTO, ON- A recent report from the office of Olivia Chow suggests that the final preparations for her official announcement of her mayoral candidacy are possibly underway. “I have recently giv…
