HAMILTON, ON – The Ontario Provincial Police are still searching for a man wanted in connection with several gruesome buzzkillings in the Hamilton area. Recently identified as Burlington re…
Local
Rob Ford: ‘Rehab is amazing – my favourite part is Space Mountain’
TORONTO – Speaking from an undisclosed location, embattled mayor Rob Ford told the Toronto Sun’s Joe Warmington that “rehab is amazing” and that he “went on Pirates of the Caribbean like th…
Local man loses struggle with pickle jar
ABBOTSFORD, BC – After a minutes-long battle with the lid of a pickle jar, local husband and father Ron Sanchez finally succumbed this past Thursday, at home, surrounded by friends and love…
Results from Toronto Marathon definitive proof nice guys finish 1,376th
TORONTO – In total, 2,194 runners competed in the GoodLife Fitness Toronto Marathon over the weekend, many of whom were total assholes. But 32 year old local man, and all-around okay guy, D…
Update: Local man not coming out of toilet stall until the coast is clear
CHILLIWACK, BC – A local man is refusing to come out of a work toilet stall until all of his co-workers have vacated washroom. Andre Hamel, a software developer at HueSoft Ltd, has been hol…
Man breaks up with girlfriend to avoid buying tampons
MONCTON – After she requested that he pick up some tampons on his way home, local man Christopher Brunel has broken up with his girlfriend of 11 months. “At first, I was actually kind of ex…
Report: Girlfriend still crying
A new report from behind the bathroom door has confirmed that yes, your girlfriend is still crying because of that thing you know you said and no, she won’t be stopping anytime soon. Confidential…
Worried man had that dream about sexy green M&M again
BRIDGEWATER, NH — After a few consecutive nights of uninterrupted sleep, local man Richard McDowell recently expressed alarm after he once again had that dream about the seductive Miss Green M&am…
Report: sleeping woman on subway has been dead for 3 weeks
TORONTO – Reports from those seated around her have confirmed that the women on the subway who all assumed to have been sleeping, is in fact dead, and has been for some time. “I first start…
