VANCOUVER – Local tech blogger Scott McGrath has prepared a far more comprehensive plan for a hypothetical zombie pandemic than he ever has or ever will for his own future retirement. “It’s…
Local
Changeling baby much better behaved
DEER CREVICE, ON – A week after their human baby was replaced during the night by an unsettling near-replica, local parents Dave and Samantha Grumner say that their lives are much more peac…
Toronto zoo boosts attendance with new ‘all you can eat’ ticket
TORONTO – To kickstart the busy summer season, the Metro Toronto Zoo has introduced a new “buffet style” experience for interested visitors. “Zoos are great resources for conservation effor…
Local dad convinced his balls will not fall out of jogging shorts this year
GLENVALE, B.C. — The community of Glenvale is breathing a sigh of relief as John McHammond has announced he is sure his testicles will remain in his jogging shorts this year. “I love to run…
Slightly too many chicken wings consumed
TORONTO- Disaster struck a local half-price wing night when local “wingthusiast” Lindsey Sarpedelli ordered a second pound of chicken wings and wound up feeling “a little bit bloated and a lot be…
Local man sits doing nothing while phone charges
HAMILTON, ON – Local man Ian Barslow sat in a chair for 40-minutes doing absolutely nothing while he waited for his iPhone battery to charge, sources at an open house reported yesterday. “H…
Local man underestimates temperature of dumpling
WINKLER, MN – Incorrectly thinking that he had let it sit on his plate for a long enough time, Winkler resident Fred Collins was burned by a pork dumpling at dinnertime. “I was hungry, and I thou…
Prom night ruined by expectations
NATIONAL – Teenagers everywhere are reporting that their local high school proms have been completely ruined by expectations built up over years of movies, television and their own lack of …
Rubber duck race in Fort McMurray ends in sadness
Athabasca River, Fort McMurray, Alberta – The fun community event which includes participants placing bets on numbered rubber ducks and putting them in a river with the hopes of their duck …
Men’s Rights Activists demand equal sexual harassment
KINGSTON – At a recent university rally, Men’s Right’s Activists demanded their “fair share” of Canada’s sexual harassment, and accused “militant feminists” of refusing to objectify them. Nearly …
