CALGARY – Nearly an hour into their meal at Cassis Bistro, sources were reporting that engaged couple Matt Saracen and Julie Taylor were still sorting out the details of who would sit where…
Local
Packed Starbucks forces man to pretend to write screenplay at Arby’s
VANCOUVER – Finding his favourite Starbucks without a spare outlet or even a chair, aspiring screenwriter Victor Lynchburg was forced to act as if he is creating a screenplay at a nearby Ar…
Local man finishes whole baguette before it gets stale
NAPANEE, ON – Hospital administrator Justin Trawick accomplished a feat few, if any, thought possible last Saturday when he managed to eat an entire loaf of baguette before the forces of ca…
Martial arts film buff unimpressed by muggers’ fight choreography
TORONTO – Gary Michaels, head of the Toronto Kung-Fu Fan Club, was shocked by the disordered and poorly choreographed mugging he experienced last Thursday night. “Well first of all, t…
Only day off this week spent doing laundry, getting divorced
EDMONTON – After working nine consecutive days to finish a lengthy report, 38-year-old Ted Bulfosky used his only day off to do his laundry and file for a divorce. “It wasn’t really my idea…
Best Man uses wedding speech to promote failing landscaping company
SASKATOON – Foregoing the usual tradition of congratulating the bride and groom and wishing them a happy future, Ben Swanson instead used his best man’s toast at last week’s wedding between…
Protective dad hides mirrors from ugly son
Bill Donovan is a stay-at-home accountant, a hobbyist, and a vegetarian, but it all comes second to lovingly hiding his only son from an ugly reflection. “It was hard at first, but you get used t…
Old black man doesn’t know as much about Jazz as hoped
STRATFORD, ON – Local graphic designer Stephen Sinclair entered Tully’s Coffee Shop on Thursday afternoon and was delighted to encounter Luther Griffin Jr., an 83 year old black man i…
Investigators conclude flying burnt skeletons cause of fiery plane crash
HAY RIVER, NWT – Transport Safety Board (TSB) Officials concluded today that a fiery plane wreck that resulted in millions in property damage was caused by burnt skeletons piloting the aircraft. …
Machismo exhibited by not using lip balm
TORONTO – Local student Jeff Saunders impressed friends when he refused to use his girlfriend’s lip balm on his severely chapped lips, sources reported Thursday. Saunders and his girlfriend…
